The side of the mountain that is in my face...*smile* and faces my home is a sandy side that washes out. I have 9 trees to plant, they are cork-screw willows that will get-a-hold of the ground and keep it in place... Plus the willows are magical, beautiful, crafty trees.
I claim, call this section of the mountain ... Willow Hill. I see in the future a bench, me sitting beneath the willows and looking upon the otherside of another mountain... and saying out loud to my God... Thank You!
Folks.. it doesn't get any better. *smile*
I have searched the world over... ;-) to find love. That is all I have ever needed or wanted.
I searched the four corners to find approval from others. Like it really mattered what others thought.
My life seemed to have no meaning unless shared by another.
I judged myself through the eyes of others.
I have been wrong allll my life.
The only true meaning in life and love ...starts with me.
How I love myself, how I approve and to stop judgment of myself...
Yes.... It depends on me and my relationship with my self that figures into a happy adjusted life.
I am growing, learning and nothing else really matters but the image I carry of who, and what I am, according to me!!!!
So many changes have recently came into my life. Mostly as awesome and insightful. No change comes without ....moments of insecurities, challenges, difficulties. At the beginning of adjustment... giggles.. it's a roller-coaster ride.
I was in prayer today, talking out loud, releasing my thoughts and emotions. I caught myself asking God, if he is ashamed of me and that is why I feel so alone. A bolt hit me!!!
I stopped crying, my mindset changed instantly. My eyes opened wider....
It wasn't God that is ashamed of me or the one who left me.
It was myself, hammering at my core.
Something so right, so good... how can it be.....This love I have for this man....be wrong.
There are things in my love relationship that could be viewed as sinful, unacceptable to some and without a doubt, it has complications.
My core/soul asked this of me.
1. What happened? I fell in love with a ....
2. How do I feel about what happened? I am over-joyed most days.
3. How would I do it differently next time? There won't be a next time.
4. What results would I like to see? Him being all mine without interference.
5. What insight have I gained from this experience? sigh.... A person can say..."I would never..ever do such a thing"... Well, you will never know, till you walk/be placed into that situation. Many reasons can alter your behavior in a new experience.
Well, as the song says.... If I am wrong, I don't want to be right.
Does that mean, I am a bad soul? NO.
The first of last year, in 2013, he told me out of the blue... Let me help you make your dream come true. ....
My dream was to own some land, add this small house and ....just live peacefully. Get a job, raise as much food as I can for myself, become one with Nature. I knew to be free from working 60-70 hrs a week...at my age, it isn't easy at all. I had only a few options to help me make a dream come true. I couldn't do it myself, no matter how hard I drove myself(period) So...I went down one path, nope... tried another... nope... So ..the only way a single poor woman's dream was ever going to become real for yourself and her large family of fur children...was to just hope and pray for the best.
Well, that dream of being on some land that is mighty beautiful and even living in a much much bigger house than I ever thought about... It's all at hand...right here and now. My dream came true... slightly twisted, but I live out in the woods...
I left out an important element for the dream to be a happy one .. one factor... someone by my side.
Since May this darling female hummingbird has been here. She isn't shy at all, comes face to face with me everyday.
I have a very special place on my porch that I sit that offers such an amazing view of all the trees and mountain range that is around. I do a lot of sighing, a peacefulness rushes over me. *smile*
This dear little bird, I can hear her coming when I sit down. I think she watches for me and comes by just to say Hi. I love watching her have these fly-bys or when she is chasing another hummingbird away. She is a dive-bomber, tweeting as she attacks. *smile* Too cool.
Well, I had to remove my feeders, it was time. All the other hummingbirds were already on their way south. But her, she was lingering, still flying up to me and I know she was wondering where her food was. :-( It broke me heart. Monday she was seemingly mad at me, flying around, tweeting up a storm. I saw where she landed and I began talking to her. I told her she must leave and next spring... come home. I thanked her for the joy she has given me.
I went out to the picnic table to have my coffee yesterday, as I do almost every morning. I sat down, I missed my morning greeting from my feathered friend. As I was waking my eyes caught this tiny feather sitting on the table. I smiled, I have a part of this little bird who brought such delight to me this summer. I will miss her but I will greet her this coming spring with feeders filled with food to welcome her back home.
It's been a lovely, peaceful weekend. When my man came home, we decided it was perfect weather to sleep under the light of the moon.
He pumped up the air mattress, and I made up our bed with la
What a perfect way to start the weekend. The remaining time was uneventful but still held all the peace anyone could ever ask for. We are blessed.
When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce.
You look for reasons it is not doing well.
It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun.
You never blame the lettuce.
Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person.
But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce.
Blaming has no postive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument.
That is my experience.
No blame, no reasoning, no argument,
~Thich Nhat Hahn
. . . . wake unto me.
It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting . . . .Before a dream is realized, the soul of the world tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams master the lessons we have learned as we have moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most give-up . . . [at this point] Tell your heart that the fear suffered when it goes in search of it's dreams, because every second of search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity. ~ Paulo Coelho
Dreams lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. ~James Allen
The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acron, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities. ~James Allen
There are three kinds of law:
Social and moral law, or culturally acceptable behavior.
Civil and criminal law, or legally accepted behavior.
Universal law, or cause and effect.
We may avoid the consequences of breaking the first two, but never the third.
It's been a long hard day for me. I have been cleaning-up outside around our home. Cutting down small unwanted trees, weeds and raking up. Almost nightly I start a fire with all the debris I have gathered and any boxes that have been unpacked. Tonight as I watched over the fire, I got tired of standing so I just sat right on down on the ground. As I past the time, as the fire died down, I also watched the ground.
You know, it's a very busy world on the ground. All kinds of bugs roaming around, working and going places...in a hurry at times. I saw very tiny holes that tiny ants had opened up house, right next to a pebble. :-) I then caught eye of this one ant who was working so hard to bring food back to his home. Over hills he drugged his prized catch. It was a black spider that was 3 to 4 times his size. He pulled and twisted his way through his terrain holding tight to his food. I felt sorry for him so I thought I'd make his path easier.
OMG.. yup, I messed it and him all up. I flick to much dirt and he got buried alive. I found the spider, flicked it with a stick...out in the open and watched for him. Sure enough, the ant came out of all the dirt and roamed around till... *smile* He found his catch...He began his journey once again, in the same direction. Of course I did not try to help out again.
If humans had the will of an ant, the power of just one ant.... the determination of an ant.... We, us humans would be an awesome race!
I have been going 90 miles a minute for... dear God... for as long as I can remember.
My new home is somewhat..in order. Enough for me to say...STOP.
Today, I play. Today and for the next three-four days the weather is going to be great. So, I am getting out from behind walls and ceilings. I am going to work/play outside, unpacking my rocks..yes..I packs pounds of rock to form another rock garden. I even brought some beautiful draftwood to blend in with all my pretty rocks. I mean.. hey... folks here are going to love it as well when they come to see us. No draftwood in the mountains and the rocks that I love so are from many different states, colors and sizes that make you go...ahhhhh wow!
It is Sunday, night has fallen. I sit here and rerun all the special moments I had.
From the first moment when my love arrived, I felt alive.
Since we can only be together on weekend due to his job, the first hours are spent talking.. the truth of the matter is.... I talk, he listens. lol...
Then the rest of the night, sigh ....my oh my! we love, please each other, body, soul and mind.
In the morning we had french toast and scramble eggs, then just for me, bacon too!
I am an intense... emotional...lol.. passionate woman. ;-) sigh....... Our love doesn't not come without problems. When something triggers my mood, and it always does....(Some day, very soon, we will have this problem solved too).... this high-stung mode of mine.. I get on a soapbox and release all that I hold inside. My love, my dear man stays calm, he listens, he loves and then..lol.. he speaks truth. We always have been able to talk about anything! I mean anything, the good, postive, even the bad, and ugly.
Then I listen and... right before your eyes, There is a happy, in-love, calm woman! That is special, WE have a special kind of Love! sigh.......
After breakfast we got ourselves ready for a hike. We get our boots on, pack our packs with snacks, drinks and tp. We grab the guns, walking sticks and away we go! Oh.. I grab my camera too ... bless his heart. Every few yards I get all excited at the beauty around me and I must stop and get a picture. This time I got into mushroom... omg.. all the different colors, shapes and... I will learn to get them off my camera and share these awesome sights.
We think we found the mountain lions den. The man who years ago timber this land told us that one of the birdhouses that Bill put up was right above the den. Well, Bill hung many... dozen or more of them. But he said it was on the rightside of the path.
We worked our way down to the creek. It was racing from all the rain, for the past week! It is so beauty, it's our place, on our place just for us! *smile* We are so blessed beyond words! We had our drinks and snack plus my old dog went with us. Jessie had to rest, he will be 15 years old in March.
When we headed back, we stopped along the way, to allow me to practice with my birthday gift. A single shot 410, light as a feather, with short stock and barrel. It's a snake charmer, that will blow away any critter that gets in my way that means harm to me. *smile* It took me a couple of practice shots to get the feel of the shotgun, but I got it. It kicks butt!
Then it was supper time. Salmon cakes, real mashed potatoes and corn... plus cheesecake for dessert. Yummy! I turned on the TV, Bill finally relaxed enough to lay his head on my lap and ...lol.. pass out. I slid a pillow under his head and watched more TV... the movie, Notebook was on... what a lovely love story...sigh... Anyways, I folded clothes and after the movie, it was time for me to sleep.
I dare not wake Bill, so I moved the coffee table over, grabbed my pillow and blanket ..crashed on the floor besides him. I needed to be close *smile*
Sunday morning was started out delightful ;-) We finished off the cheesecake for breakfast. Bill spent his morning putting together my computer desk..lol.. and setting up my birthday from my son, a game camera. We noticed that the mountain loin, had a young one... raises brow... So, between the black bears, deer, turkeys... ohhh..I saw a turkey that I swore was 40 pds... I asked Bill if that was stretching the truth... he said yes...lol. But we will be getting some great shots and we can't wait to see what this camera catches. *smile*
It was time for him to hit the road. I don't like goodbye, so he departs quickly. I watch till his car disappears into the woods and begin to cry. sigh.........
I am into a routine already. I like it like that. Doing my chores the same way, on a different day. Keeps things simple.
Last night when I came from the cat house giving them their last meal of the day, I am watching carefully as I leave their house due to the soaking rains, so very slippery. My eyes caught my neighborhood black bear. I stood still and out came a yell... maybe you could call it a scream ;-). He stood and roared so loud it sent chills up my spine. He turned around and ran, I never knew a black bear could run so quickly and disappear into the woods... cool!
A few minutes past and I heard him at the top of his lungs again and came out bearing pot and spoon. I started my bang bang bang with my pot, and he went quiet. I sat on the porch, now my shoot gun loaded and ready. I then heard him roar on the otherside of the mountain and two very powerful gun shoots went off just a bit away.... huh?
Like that wasn't enough to put me on alert, night fall came. It gets dark in these woods, let me tell you. Couldn't see your hand in front of your face if you wanted to. ;-) A storm was coming too boot, I could hear the thunder echoing through the mountains. The down pour began just as I was closing all the windows. I am going back to my work, so much to do.... When all of a sudden, the electricity went out! OMG!!!! I had to get my bearings and felt my way through the house to the living room where my flashlight was. I lite my candle and moments later... Let there be lights!!! sigh...... cool!
That brings new light to me too. I must fill up my lanterns and place candles where need be. wow... I am ALIVE! Scared sh!tless at times but... *smile* I am living out loud.
The whole theory of the Universe is directed unerringly to one single individual .... namely to YOU.
~ Walt Whitman
Moving in itself is a hard adjustment. Lots of work and one weary body. I am trying to slow my mind down enough to relate in type... wow...
This move I have just made, not only in my surroundings, but my soul/spirit is adjusting to the newness that is at hand. With all this beauty, and peace there is no doubt that great change will come over me... into who I long to be.
I hear my unquiet mind and pray that it will soon react, relate to my new home. Can't quite say it is silent here... *smile*... The breeze is always present, the leaves rustle around with it. The birds are echoing each other through out the mountain side. I can hear the rain traveling towards me. hmmmnn sigh..
Total different way of life, that I have seemingly prepared all my life for.
I have dreamed of this moment, this way of life.
A new chapter begins.
Here I am, full of excitement and extremely anxious!
I get a text to confirm my U-Haul reservations for tomorrow. They updated my truck from a 14ft to 26ft. omg... plus my car transport... This will be a trying trip to say the least.
I can't even think to write or even speak...
So.... Be back when I get my Dish services next week. I am sure that I will have more than enough to rattle about then.
~see ya Take care xo... I am going Home!!! *smile*
The motion activated security light went off. I ran to the window and....
Huh... I see you now, you won't be sneaking in on me any longer!
I pound my pan loudly, the mountain lion frozed, the light blinded him.
The loud echoing sound of metal on metal thawed her out of the frozen postion, into a dead run. Never to hunt this space again. *smile*
Well that is how I hope this story will unfold. As I said, this mountain lion, loves our picnic table that sits on the wrap around porch. Found her tracks all around the house and she killed a can of hornet spray, which left her fang marks in the can. This last visit, she is....
Why do I call the mountain lion "she" because the paw prints, tracks show the cat is about 65 pds. I researched size and prints to make sure I was correct.
Anyways, the last time, she just came walking on the ... just swept porch and left her muddy/sandy tracks.
All the way to her bed, our picnic table.... that we moved clear across the other side of the porch. Her tracks showed that she stopped dead in her tracks where the table once was, went no further and turned around and walked off. We were asleep upstairs while she was trying to catch up on her rest. *smile*
The black bears ... no problem, this cat, nope... she is to move along, unharmed, I wish.
I have this fluttering in my gut, my heart is rapidly beating, sleep isn't coming easy, my eating is all off.
I check my to do list, I double check what is packed before taping boxes closed.
I feel my brain is two steps ahead of my feet.
I know how much my life is about to change.
The new experiences that lie ahead of me.
I feel so blessed!
The biggest change is going to be within.
I wish to be all I can be.
I want to get life right before I get too old to do anything about it.
This is the biggest event of my 58 years of life.
My dreams of a certain lifestyle is at hand.
I take a deep breath.... tell myself over and over again....
Don't Be Scared!
As soon as the well-digger left, the contractors that are doing a few things for us arrived. They get out of their trucks carrying a slower, happier style about them. They greet us with smiles and how are you today. As we small talked, one of the workers begin to tell us that he saw a black bear just down the driveway. He said about 300 pd one. Then are so many patches of wild blackberries, I am sure he came for breakfast. *smile*
One of the things they were there for today was to wait for the tressels to be delivered. We have a 30 by 30 garage getting a new roof, which will be my work shop to make my jewelry and.. a space to hang my craft flowers this coming spring and summer. I do believe I will have enough space to do all I wish to do in this nice garage.
After discussing business, settling a few decisions, we were off to fetch supplies to turn a decent size chicken coop into a cat coop. ;-) My love has accepted me and all my furry children as his... Please pray for him! lol...
We were half way down the ..one lane driveway when the tractor-trailer with the tressels came over the hill. OK.... only one thing to do, we drove back to the house in reverse. The trucker looked a tad worried, uptight as it was and us in his way... welll... we were all happy to get to the house. He jumps out of his truck, shaking his head ....I could tell he was glad he made it. Hey.. the blacktop road is one wild and crazy drive. You never know what's on the otherside of a hairpin curve.
The drive to a fairly good size town is only 13 miles away. But it takes at least 40 minutes to get there from home. Yup, a drive you best slow down, sit back, and enjoy the beauty all around BUT be alert. I love this place, all the surroundings, just too perfect, so surreal.
We get to town, pick a new cafe to eat at and off to the hardware store. We gather what we needed, nails, chicken wire, shovel, saw and such. *smile*
Our drive back, my love took the long way home. Dear me, this state is a never ending wonder. I still can't get over the freshness that is in the air. The waterways are sooo clear! The trees are all so tall. Everyone , ...almost everyone wears a smile on their faces. ....
All my life, I wanted to find a place I felt that I belonged. Well, I've finally arrived, I am home. *smile*
After a long night's travel, meetings first thing in the morning with others and little sleep.... When we returned home, car loaded, stomaches full, a drive through Heaven that would relax anyone ... we were ready for down time.... ;-) Us time, alone at home, .....
Pulls down shades....... Later!
Lordy, where do I begin to descibe my blessed weekend... I don't know if words can express the importance of all the events, and experiences that I, We, had this weekend alone. Every single time, since Our first meeting back in May of 2013, We experience new and different things. Our time together has always been over the top enjoyable, blessed beyond words. .... sigh..
Back to the home stretch, this weekend, was filled with amazing...Amazing sights and sounds which included the local mountain folks and critters!! .... I can not write this all today. Too much occur this blessed weekend, this will be Part 1.
I will begin at the top....
The end of our working day, Thursday, we were heading from opposite direction, to the same destination, toward our home. His drive is about 7 hrs and mine 8 hours. He gets to the cemetery and waits for me. It's the last place on the twisting blacktop road, before you enter our dirt mile long driveway, straight back into the woods. *smile*
Most folks would not dare come down this dirt mountain road. They have no idea where it leads. This is good!!! It's the way we wished it to be. Rough, slow driving, but private, our driveway!
First you come to an electric swinging gate, with tennis balls on the very end of the metal fr
This begins our way toward our beautiful moutain home that is waiting on our arrival.
Before you know it, the woods is all about you. It's like you have just entered another world. The sights and sounds.. and smells are all different. Breath taking is what it is! We continue towards the house, almost creeping through rough patches, not the whole driveway is this rough... well.. not if it's been a dry spell ;-)
You can see the creek below the road, all the trees and wild rhododendrons in bloom... just awesome! As we travel deeper into the woods, the silence is all around us. A peaceful easy feeling washes through me, I smile from ear to ear. I count my blessing ..right then and there. I am the luckiest lady alive!! While I am in awe, I see the sunshine at the end of the ... path of ours. There it is... Home!!!!
We had several purposes for this weekend, one was to meet up with the well-digger, to have a back up water supply. The one we have now is fed from the mountain spring, which springs flow underground all on our mountain. The well-digger came with his ..wand/stick and began his walk... he is for real.. the mountain folks will tell you this. His wand danced for a second and drew his hands down to ..the spot! We flagged it, got the permit and... soon, a new fresh water well will be in place.
Well, time to shake a leg and get a few things done.... BUT... I wish I had the time and brain power to tell you all about the 300 pound black bear and the mountain lion who misses his bed, our picnic table. *smile*
Previous PostsWillow Hill, posted September 20th, 2014, 2 comments
Speaking from the heart........., posted September 19th, 2014, 2 comments
Drawing Myself Out, posted September 16th, 2014
Giving it my all...., posted September 14th, 2014
~See ya later, my friend, posted September 10th, 2014, 1 comment
Under The Moonlight, posted September 7th, 2014, 2 comments
Lettuce, posted September 3rd, 2014
Beautiful Dreamer, posted September 1st, 2014
Breaking The Law, posted August 27th, 2014, 2 comments
The Spider and One Ant, posted August 26th, 2014, 1 comment
Me Time, posted August 25th, 2014, 2 comments
8/24/2014, posted August 24th, 2014, 3 comments
I scream, He roars!, posted August 22nd, 2014
YOU, posted August 18th, 2014, 2 comments
Moving of body, soul and mind...., posted August 14th, 2014, 7 comments
Road Trip To Home, posted August 5th, 2014, 2 comments
Mountain Security, posted August 3rd, 2014, 2 comments
Don't Be Scared, posted July 25th, 2014
They'll be coming around the mountain when they come....., posted July 22nd, 2014
The Home Stretch, posted July 21st, 2014
Bad Medicine, posted July 15th, 2014
10 0f Pentacles, posted July 12th, 2014, 3 comments
A Secret To A Long And Happy Marriage, posted July 9th, 2014, 2 comments
Priority, posted July 7th, 2014
Count Down, posted July 6th, 2014, 2 comments
Laughter, posted July 2nd, 2014, 2 comments
Have you ever noticed . . ., posted July 1st, 2014, 4 comments
Night and Day, posted June 30th, 2014, 4 comments
Nauthiz, posted June 30th, 2014, 4 comments
Babble, posted June 29th, 2014, 4 comments
Throw-Away, Pack-It, Give-It-Away... Set-Aside for futher thought . . . ., posted June 23rd, 2014, 3 comments
Creating a Mission, posted June 18th, 2014, 2 comments
Mountain Fever, posted June 16th, 2014, 3 comments
Get-Up-and-Go!, posted June 11th, 2014, 4 comments
Form Of Abuse, posted June 8th, 2014
I Am Not In Heat, I Am In Love!, posted June 8th, 2014, 4 comments
I Owe It All To YOU!, posted June 7th, 2014, 2 comments
You've Come A Long Way Baby!, posted June 3rd, 2014, 3 comments
Town Clean Up Day, posted May 30th, 2014, 2 comments
TRUST, posted May 29th, 2014, 2 comments
Hidden Wounds, posted May 26th, 2014, 2 comments
Preparations, posted May 24th, 2014, 2 comments
"What have you to live for?", posted May 21st, 2014, 4 comments
Don't blink!, posted May 20th, 2014, 3 comments
Updating To Upgrading, posted May 1st, 2014, 4 comments
LifeGuard, posted April 14th, 2014, 5 comments
Tiny Bubbles, posted April 2nd, 2014, 5 comments
It's As Good As It Gets Folks!, posted March 23rd, 2014, 5 comments
It Takes Time, posted March 21st, 2014
Tomorrow, My Future, posted March 10th, 2014, 2 comments
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