I remember when I first layed eyes on you.
I was in awe of your numbers and size.
I would stand outside your limits and felt like I stood in front of a great wall.
The sun light was all about, till it met up with you.
The sun light became beams, streaking inside you.
I decided to follow those beams of light one day.
That filtered through out the maze of trees.
Every step held a new sight and another tree.
I spent hours wondering about within.
Till I exited your realm.
I turned around and glazed at your boundery and wondered back in.
I was no longer in fear of you but felt right at home.
And I ain't dancing neither! ;-)
The Devil is here to collect.
I am reaping what I have sown.
It's time to pay the piper.
What a messed-up attitude I carry.
I will not run, I will face my troubles.
Like in the forest....
Saplings must fight to reach the Light,
through the older standing established trees.
Looking up and just reaching,
bending, twisting upwards.
The only hope for new growth is in the Light.
You've heard it repeatly . . . . Life is too short to waste.
So, huh... do you know what I think it means ....
Life isn't really too short.
Some days feel like they will never end.
I just waste a lot of time!
Wasting away as time passes me by.
Wondering why it went by so fast.
Wow... I guess I need to stop thinking so much and
Get my rear-end in gear!
7:30am, power company shuts the whole mountain and nearby town down. We have been having brown outs and they are going to do some major maintance till 11am. I, of course, am worried over my cats. God I need to get ahold of myself and stop worrying so...BUT... it is what it is. ;-/ Before I can wonder over to the cats, I need to fire up the wood stove in living to keep the place fairly warm. Finally got a fire started and stove is getting hot. I go out to my fur babies house with wool blankets in hand. by 9am. I sit down in a chair, it's cold, low 20s outside and freezing in the cat house. Thank God I bought fresh water.... One by one my babies crawl up and around as we all stay warm together. It was about 10 when I felt the sun start to warm up the day, and went outside to clean wood furnace while it was cooled down...cold. At 11am sharp, power is on and my babies heat is up and running again. And the wood furance is fired up just waiting for the blower to push the warmth through out the house. Relief!!
I go back inside and shower and get dressed for a work day. Yesterday my man and I spent a long while in the woods gathering wood. We pulled and loaded large log sections, trees down to the wood furnace, out behind the house. I am guessing at least over a cord of wood.
Anyways, today we begin to cut and stack, which means we need fuel to git-er-done!
I begin breakfast, late but we'll just eat later on tonight. After our tummies are fill, it's time for a hard work out. I get my long johns on, and la
I visited my fur children with warm watered down milk and can food. I sat with them for a spell, had a cig and cup of coffee. Time to clean myself up a bit and begin supper. As supper cooks, I need to water my plants through out the house. Supper right on time, 6, it's time to stuff the face. I ate too fast, worked up a hunger that needed fed quickly...;-) Clean up begins in kitchen, dishes washed. One more time to load furnace for the night. NOW it is time to chill out in front of the TV and EP.
Time 9:30pm. What a day!
Inside my head.
I can not move forward.
I try to logic out my behavior.
My mind and heart is one.
I can not get hurt again.
I am safe where I am.
I have been peeking into my mirror that sees deeply into me.
Sometimes it's just too ugly to continue looking and I turn away.
Other times when I get brave enough to, I will stand up straight and face the mirror with open arms, seeking the truth of this heart of mine.
I sigh... and learn from the image I see.
Is my thinking rational? Don't know .... Yet!
Do I have grounds in this so-called insight? .... Yes!
Now what? I watch, listen and gather more facts.
One thing leads to another till all is discoveried.
Most of my life I have this keen sense of intuition.
At times my insecurities cause me to over-react.
Majority of the time, I am right-on.
So, time will tell the rest of the story.
The moment of gratitude
makes a difference in
As I count my blessings, see, feel all the joy and wonder in my life,
I realize how very luck I am.
I look to the Heavens and I speak out loud ... how much I am grateful for.
I pray I never take one single thing for grated.
I am blessed with a great man, a lovely home that is surrounded with beauty and quietness. For my good health, my happy fur children, and the means to never feel the pressure of hunger, and bewilderment again.
It's been a long, hard journey for me....always has been TILL now! *smile*
We all love in the only way we know how. Each of us love....shows love in different ways. We share and care only as we know how to do.
What if a person is really in love, loves with all their heart but has no idea at all how to love... is that possible?
To love, showing of one's love... how do they present their love?
Is it through their labor of love?
Does one shower another one with gifts?
Are words enough to express one's love?
Do people assume that they are loved because they are part of a family or married to one another?
How does one show YOU they love you?
Is it in a way that you can relate to?
In the way that makes you feel loved?
How can you know if another loves you?
Is it just a feeling or the words they use or the actions they have?
Are there souls that are just in love with love?
Is there a limit to one's love?
A person can't be with the one they love...so they love the one they are with thingie?
I guess the only way to learn love is by loving!!
Love maybe a splendid thing but it sure is complicated!
When we bought this 3,400 sq.ft. lovely mountain home, we knew then that there were two major necessities for living so far out .... water and warmth.
We had a fresh spring water well already but worried about dry seasons so we had another deep well dug right off the bat ... two water supplies. cool!
For the warmth ..we have a propane furnace and a large wood stove in the living room we keep a fire burning night and day in. The wood stove keeps this home nice and warm and no need in the propane only for back-up. But still we needed to heat the workshop so I could begin cutting stones for my jewelry...temps of 20 and water do not mix ;-)
We have been looking at wood furnace, inside and outdoors ones.
We found the one that would supply the warmth we needed for this place.
It is a 180,000 btu outdoor wood furnace. We bought it and hired a professional to deliver and install it, a turn key operation.
The tech who was to do this for us, refused the job when he saw this furnace he was picking up. It's a big one and weighed 600 plus pounds. So, here we are... on our own.
It's hard to find someone around to hire here in these mountains *smile*
Things are meant to be sometimes. The well digger/plumber who installed our water lines from well to house..all the lines new inside the house...had came over to see us just at the moment we found out... our professional heating and cooling tech..backed out.
He came by to sell me some 1900's blue, green, smokey colored glass canning jars,... I collect them ;-) It was Christmas and he needed extra money and it was my Christmas gift. cool!!! I had an awesome time deciding which I needed the most...lol..
Anyways, he had just installed a wood/boiler furnace for someone. He was the plumber for the hot water lines coming from the furnace and..sooo...
We asked him if he could help us, he said yes.
Two days ago he picked up our monster of a furnace and delivered it to us. The work begun instantly. How can two men, one little woman get this furnace off the trailer to where it needed to be behind the workshop/house.
Well I won't go into it all and just say...omg! We did it!!!
Yesterday my love and him connected all the ventation and started the fire and...
We have heat folks!
We can keep warm with work, and wood from our land.
We are free from any and all utility companies for our water and heat.
Next spring/summer we go for solar power/panels for our electricity.
It feels good and very rewarding to be so blessed, to be able to live independently. *smile*
sigh.... Happy Holidays!
I just left Facebook and reading my messages from loved friends and family. My heart sunk with missing the ones I dearly love but over joyed at all the love I feel from them. I wish I was able to be with each and everyone of them...but no can do.
I am very happy and blessed for my gift of a new life, new love and a new home. But still....
My man is gone to be with his childhood friend who has lost his wife to cancer. A long and terrible ending of life.
When you see others suffer, it seems that is when you look at yourself and count your blessings.
Seeing really how much you do have to lose, it brings a different light to life itself.
For me, it scares me a tad to think that life can be taken away from me, or my love, in a bl
A moment of reflection that shows the value of every day we can breathe.
Another day to begin again.
To love deeper and express it.
To be more patent with one another.
To say things that are meant to be said.
To make wrongs, right.
To be alive!
Being in a relationship again, so full of emotions and ...ghosts, It's been challenging to maintain a center. To realize that I, him, we ..yes...WE both are carrying into this relationship past luggage, harm, insecurities.
For me, when I get off balance... I am a total mess. I have to go through all the stages of my momentarily... insanity. One thing triggers another till I am broken and no logic enters me.
Till ... one second of light that does...thank god... enters into this scenario... I ...snap-out of my darkness...with so much insight into ...everything at hand. It's amazing! It's a blessing!
sigh...I must remember this enlightenment for future uses..lol... My demons, my ghost only feed off my insecurities. The voices of uncertainty. With postive attitude, learning lessons, adjustment ,,, will help me stay on track and move forward to a bright future...
I have been through so many changes.
Some good and some bad that comes with a life learning lesson.
There are changes in my life that has helped me love myself better.
Other changes allow me to see just how f***ed up I am.
I am convinced of one thing through all my changes, turn-abouts.
Me, Myself and I are the only one responsible, liable to make this soul happy, content and secure.
Time for a self hug. and to begin again.
Singing the blues....
He left last evening to meet up with a hunting buddy under the walnut tree at 6am to get a buck and doe. Traveling time 6 hours.
He packed his clothes, hunting clothes, jeans, and his best suit.
His hunting buddy's wife is fighting a losing battle with cancer.
Just in case she passes away, he will be prepared.
He was to be gone just overnight.
He is staying one more night to get his doe tomorrow.
Home alone tonight too.
raises eye-brows... huh
I waited for months to be close to my man.
I ached for him to be close to me.
I dreamt of moments of intimacy.
I planned out days in my head.
He has been here, home, for 7 weeks.
He is in a pattern I try to understand.
I have all the time in the world to do...
He gets up by 5am, fixes my coffee and out the door he goes.
He goes for his walks/hunting.
He returns around 10am, hungry.
Breakfast is almost done.
We eat, he washes dihes and out the door he goes again.
He will go back to the woods to either hunt or cut wood.
He returns just before dark.
He walks down our mile long drive way.
He checks his phone for messages.
He calls his friend who has a dying wife
Almost every day.
It is dark now.
He returns in time for supper.
We eat, he washes dishes.
We sit and play games or watch TV.
It's time for bed.
Most times, one of us are already asleep.
I realize his life once was lived in a cage.
Everything... same old same... day after day....everyday.
I am watching him doing his thing.
Knowing this freedom-time is a need-be.
I lie aside my desires for a tight togetherness.
I allow the wind to blow between us.
I've been noticing that how a person eats tells the rest of the story.
Me and my style of eating, I taste everything on my plate in the beginning of my meal.
I find what I like the best and eat till I am ready for the next .... taste of goodness.
I will not allow the different foods to touch.
My man eats one thing at a time till the one certain food is all gone.
Then he moves on to the next tasty treat.
I've seen others mix their foods together.
Then I realize from the style of eating shows alot more about the person.
Me, I muti-task things in life. I can tackle several things at once and complete them all on the same time table.
My man takes one task at a time and completes it before he goes onto another.
.... Or like a picky eater, they show that through out the rest of their ways.
Or an eater that shovels the food down.... that just seems like they never really taste a thing.
I am so full of it! ;-)
Just food for thought!
Food hangovers are awful! I am fasting today...no more food. All I am doing is farting, burping, moaning, groaning, snorting, coughing..another poot here..a burp there.... ohhhh me oh my!
Wednesday night I made sure that nothing needed to be done for the Thanksgiving meal but throw things into oven Thanksgiving day. I prepared everything ahead of time. Made my corn pudding, green bean casserole, bake beans, dressing, dressed the bird, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, placed diced potatoes in water and set aside the makings for the gravy.. and can't forget the two pecan pies. I cleaned the house well, showered and Thanksgiving day would be here and I could sail through the day with ease.
A neighbor man was coming to eat with us at noon. He had spent his last few years alone during the holiday... couldn't have that..now could I?
My man left for hunting at 7am, he returned at 11am. We three sat down to eat at high noon... *smile*
After our very filling meal, at 2:30, neighbor left for home. I got ready to drive out to call my mom (no signal for phone here) My man walked out for another round of hunting.
On the way to signal land ;-) I saw my truck was sick... steam wasa coming out of it. I cut my call short... for two reasons..my truck and mom couldn't talk cause my sister and her kids was there :-(... Plus my son never remembered to say hi to me. I had left two email for him and his family... still no words. Even sent holly to him.....
I drove my mile long driveway, truck getting sicker... My battery light came on and as I drive to my parking spot a water hose blew apart. :-( Anti-freeze went everywhere. I got the shovel and covered it all so the three dogs would not get sick or die.
My man came back after dark, and by this time.. I was sad and lonely.
Previous PostsThicket Of Trees, posted January 30th, 2015
All Shook-up, posted January 27th, 2015
New Growth, posted January 25th, 2015
Wasting Away, posted January 21st, 2015
One Day, posted January 17th, 2015
I Am Stuck ...., posted January 9th, 2015
Reflection, posted January 8th, 2015
Pondering Intuition, posted January 5th, 2015, 1 comment
Gratitude, posted January 2nd, 2015
Learning Love, posted December 26th, 2014
Living Independently, posted December 19th, 2014, 1 comment
Greetings, posted December 17th, 2014
Silent Day, posted December 13th, 2014
Just A Swingin', posted December 9th, 2014
Self Hug, posted December 6th, 2014
A Hunting we will, a hunting we will....., posted December 5th, 2014
Practicing Detachment, posted December 5th, 2014
The Style of Eating, posted December 1st, 2014
Sounds of the Body, posted November 30th, 2014
Just saying . . . ., posted November 29th, 2014, 1 comment
OMG!!!!!, posted November 26th, 2014, 1 comment
Pretty Paper...Pretty Ribbons..., posted November 23rd, 2014
Surreal Beginnings, posted November 21st, 2014, 2 comments
Born To Be Free, posted November 19th, 2014, 3 comments
One Day At A Time, posted November 18th, 2014
One Soul, Two Minds, posted November 16th, 2014, 1 comment
Silent Season, posted November 13th, 2014, 1 comment
BABY....BABY....OH..BABY, posted October 31st, 2014
Is it all about me?, posted October 29th, 2014
And The Shot Rung-Out!, posted October 23rd, 2014
Today is the first day of my new Life, posted October 17th, 2014
Lights, Camera, Action.....Roll 'Em, posted October 15th, 2014
The Flasher Strikes Again!, posted October 13th, 2014, 1 comment
Wide Awake, posted October 13th, 2014, 1 comment
True Blue, posted October 6th, 2014, 2 comments
Right On Time, posted September 29th, 2014
Sunday's Sorrows, posted September 28th, 2014
I Can .... I Can .... I CAN!, posted September 24th, 2014
On Your Mark, Get Ready, GO................, posted September 23rd, 2014, 2 comments
Willow Hill, posted September 20th, 2014, 2 comments
Speaking from the heart........., posted September 19th, 2014, 2 comments
Drawing Myself Out, posted September 16th, 2014
Giving it my all...., posted September 14th, 2014
~See ya later, my friend, posted September 10th, 2014, 2 comments
Under The Moonlight, posted September 7th, 2014, 1 comment
Lettuce, posted September 3rd, 2014
Beautiful Dreamer, posted September 1st, 2014
Breaking The Law, posted August 27th, 2014, 2 comments
The Spider and One Ant, posted August 26th, 2014
Me Time, posted August 25th, 2014, 2 comments
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