Today I feel, smell Spring in the air! I am seeing gathering of Robins and other birds in flight. I see my daffodils are breaking the ground, up about three inches... too cool.
The sky is as blue as it can get and I am getting dressed asap ..right after I post this. *smile*
I am getting my wet saw out and begin slicing my rocks. I have a full work week ahead and since this is such a fine Spring day....
I'm out of here. *smile* sigh.......................... Thank the Heavens for change of season! SOLOR POWER!
I am a junkie.
I am an addict.
I cannot help myself.
I love it!
I want more.
If I don't get my drug of choice,
I go off the wall!!
I am so sad, in pain.
My life has no meaning.
I just want to die!
This drug makes me feel alive!!!!
I cannot get enough of it.
I ache for it.
I even drool!
What's got ahold of me,
I have totally surrendered to.
I am at it's mercy!
My addiction, the drug of my choice is LOVE!
When I say I am a rock hound, I am not exaggerating.
I have a few irons in the fire these days. There is one thing all these irons have in common, rocks!
I must consider my rocks and their care first in all that is unfolding in my life.
Believe it or not, *smile* I have carried some of these rocks around for most of my life. Matter of fact, I have carried buckets, containers, boxes of rock from one place to another.
Sooo, imagine a 57 years old lady and just how many rocks can she gather. ;-) Well, my rock garden is about 5ft wide and 50 ft long layed with rocks from coast to coast. One by one, year after year more rocks find their way to my house. I cannot, will not part with most of them.
I am about to be creative with some of these rocks that I am putting aside. ... In buckets, containers and boxes. :) Some are semi-precious gems in the raw to river-tumbled rocks. They will become jewelry and art.
That leaves about .... you have seen them.. the Tidy cat litter buckets, I can fill about 20 more of those containers with the rest of the rocks in my gardens. That's not including the larger sized ones... I just pick them up and they..themselves are heavy enough. *smile*
The sorting of my rocks has begun. It takes a long time to do this, I end up in awe of each one all over again as I sort and pack-up my rocks. lol... I love being forever young. Doesn't take much to entertain me, a simply rock will do!
Just a little table talk on this ,... looks out the window, gloomy cold winter day. :-) I think I wanna rattle today. I have a lot of things running through my head...go figure huh? *smile*
After this post, I am getting ready for a buying spree. I need one wet-saw, a dremel and any, all bits/tools to go with it. I am on a mission. If I do not attempt this mission... I do not get to get any more stones. :-(
I need to practice and create ... something with my stones that I have collected already before I get more. The flint Climber and I went mining for, I have 63 pds of rock, I don't want to rid myself of any one of the rocks I have! lol We gather awesome pieces of the most beautiful flint on earth... yup... I am in love with rocks and minerals. Been a rock hound for... all my life, I 've been pocketing rocks since I was knee-high. So... if I want more pretty rocks, I got to use some... so I am! *smile*
I am in this transformation, huh... been in one since birth...lol.. No seriously, one very huge improvement is I have discoveried, I have a voice! I have an opinion too! I am not afraid to ..."roat the boat." I am not perfect but I guess I will allow it! ;-) I have pulled many veils off myself.... as I, start sorting, peeling away the la
I don't do winters well. I always, at this time of the year get the blues, cabin fever. If I cannot be rub shoulders with Mother Nature... I lose so much energy, I run on Solar Power you know! I might buy me some half-priced flowers today, to brighten up my space... yes, that sounds perfect. sigh.... Yup, I sure do miss my river walks. Soon..
Lately, as you can tell... I have been trippin'. lol... Since I am such a hot or cold soul... I stayed hidden for most of my life. Cold and somewhat reserved.
*smile* Ain't that way these days ... am I? lol... I sure do entertain myself, as I change. I am happy to say... I do accept myself, just as I am. Sure... I do things I don't even understand why. But... I am watching, learning, feeling, experiencing so much more then I thought I would/could/should.
So... today is a good day. Now.... daylight is burning... time to shower, get prettied-up and go buy a part of my future.
The past few blogs of mine tells how distorted, sad and confused I have been about a forbidden Love. Just before that I posted stories of Love about a marvelous man, that means the world to me. Our time together has been the best of times in my entire life,... and I am not a young chick neither. All words were spoken from my heart, true and honest.
A Love that is and will always be a whirlwind event! Since I am no child, I have been around the block, as they say, I have experienced many forms, levels of Love. But the Love I share with this man, is made in heaven. There is something, ..Everything so right, pure and natural about this forbidden, unstoppable Love! We really are mirror images of each other, we relate so well to each other. Brutally honest with each other, totally respecting the other, so much unconditional Love!! Very few things, ways, opinions differ for us. Do you know how rare that is? Well, it blows my mind!
We both are paying a high price for each other and at the same time, we are sooooo blessed!!!! Nothing else matters, this Love is screaming to both of us.... Please don't forsake me.
From movies like, Bridges of Madsion County, so many songs, ages of poems tell about two people who falls in Love. We have that Love between us. At times Love does not ask for permission, it just seizes you and takes over every sense of the being. Two souls started out as friends and ended up as Soulmates. I didn't use the word Lovers, because I, us, we fell in Love... first mind to mind, then our spirts connected through words, on here, in letters and many long phone conversations. We Had to meet, face to face. We did... That was it! That was all she wrote... We sealed our Love. There was nothing that could stop this Love now. It got out of control from the get-go for the both of us. We were drawn to one another, a pull we both shared. This Love was over the top ... Special, so right, perfect! But for one thing...
This special man I fell in Love with was under contract with another. A contract that was voided many years ago, for various reasons. Now only a piece of paper, that sheds no support, no Love on either side. Many reasons, good reasons that he can not, ... should not neglect his responsibilities!. I don't like it, nor does he.. but it is what it is!
I will not talk about the details, ain't nobody's business but my baby's and mine! What I have written already is too much. But dear me ... read earlier blogs, and my shared experiences here. There is ...the rest of the story about a good man and a free-sprited wild woman .... Feelings written from the heart that tells of a wonderful, passionate Love story.
I am a good soul, very spiritual, He is as well. We both have high expectations and requirements for ourselves and others. I have been fighting tooth and nail...as He has too, day and night over this forbidden unstoppable Love. That is when we came on EP... Acting our true selves, in Love, sharing and connecting mind to mind and heart to heart! I have learned, like in this issue, and many times in my life, things, people and situations ... It's just not that black and white!!!! Many factors, reasons, not excuses or reasoning out to justify the means...but there are many gray areas in life!
So when I say that this Love of ours is unstoppable, it is! .. (Only between Us and the Divine) will we asnwer to, IF we do... I refuse to be forbidden to have such a deep Love for someone... and not rejoice.
LOVE is made from all that is good and holy. LOVE is top priority in life.
I am blessed to know such a deep LOVE. We are withstanding the circumstances, the long distance, and now a full year has past.... and saying that... We still stand together in Love. We are beating the odds. There is no more to be said.
~ to twist out of the true meaning or porportion
~ to twist out of a natural, normal, or original shape or condition
~ to cause to be perceived unnatural
Love means to never DISTORT oneself to benefit a relationship, you will become DEFORMED!!!!
I don't want to ever sound like I am bashing anyone, or airing dirty laundry. BUT this is "my" blog, my space, my right to speak from the heart any time I wish... with respect, and truth. No matter if the truth is ugly or makes me ugly. I blog to release emotions, I vent to release thoughts before they drive me crazy!
I have learned so much just by my writings. I learn how I am wired, what changes I go through. I speak from my heart here and in person.
I have turned the page.... Yup, one day is one way and the next is... NOW!
I have set myself free from a sinful situation that caused much distress, much guilt and alot of shame. For nearly one year, I was the other woman.
I walked away from a married man! I will not ever fall for any story like that again.
I was a wife once upon a time to a cheating husband. How could I allow myself to have become someone I hated. I did... and now,... I am not. THE END!
I am standing at attention
Eyes focused straight ahead
Courage is running through me
Ready to pivot
Do not bl
Before I go rattling on, to help me focus, which is hard to do these days... I would like to share some Eastern wisdom, from Taro Gold, From the book ~ Open Your Mind, Open Your Life.
It is easy to be the person you have always been, for it requires no change, no self-reflection, and no growth.
It may appear that changing yourself requires giving up something.
In reality, there is no need to give up anything . . . You simply add to what has been.
I am at a cross-road in my life. It maybe dued to my age and entering this stage of my life. I am a "here and now moment" person... Thank the Heavens! sigh... I am not too happy with myself or my life these days. But if I ever go back into my past...man.. too much pain, sorrows. So, I don't do that any longer, try not to. ;-) And for the future, well... back to the age thingy... I am at an age that they begin to ... die-out. So, if I am ever going to amount to anything... I best get my act together on quite a few levels. I've been on this kick of what I am not to do to improve myself, to be a better person ...BUT..... there is a list that I need to do and I am quite able to do so! Hello!!! Guess the quote is correct.
Not just wanting to find security for my "golden" years but a must in finding peace of mind. I have settled ALL my life due to insecurities, I have talents, creative talents that if I applied myself, came out of my comfort zone... BELIEVED in myself... I could do quite well for myself. My past experiences with mean souls.. from parents to husbands.. brain-washed me into thinking less of myself.
Heck... I get it now. So, I have so much lost ground I got to recover these days... Yes, my mind and desires tell me..."Daylight a-burning!" This is extremely important to me. I am a spiritual wired soul... That wants so badly to change, been self-reflecting for a while now... and I Need,Want to grow into.... What I dream I can be!
These days I have been quite quiet, drawing all my energies to one spot.
The center of my core.
Trying to find my balance, once again.
I know how, been there and done that.
So, I still myself best I can.
I focus on what I know
Then I draw deeper into my being
To search for the unknown.
Knowing that is where the truth lies.
It's strange to get into this mood.
At the same time, a secure comfort is present.
It's like I have called all Angels to my side
They engulf me with guarding wings as I work this out.
Protecting me from outside influences to alter my focus.
I remain within, till farther notice.
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THERE IS NO GREATER
LOVE THAN THE LOVE
THAT HOLDS ON
WHERE THERE SEEMS
NOTHING LEFT TO HOLD
Love never fails . . . never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:8
You are here now required to go straight to the sleep shop. Your last day is at hand. If you don't believe me, just look at your palm. It has bl
Remember Logan's Run, published in 1967, a novel written by William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson. It was a story about how the world handled becoming over populalated and the control over our resources. To sustain balance, when you turn 21 years of age, you are executed. Dear God, right!? A place where people lead dehumanized, fearful lives. To have such discrimination against a particular age-group. To be deprive of human qualities, personality and spirit.
It is now the year of 2014. We live longer now due to our new medical knowledge and medicines. Our resources are limited, down to our supply of drinking water. America has passed new laws, money is required to sustain our health care and the food prices are rocketing out of control.
Which to me means... The elderly, the poor and homeless are about to be executed, slowly but surely! Dear God, help us, so the Sandmen won't chase us down and take our lives.
When you think of a magical mirror, you more than likely think of Snow White, and a beautiful, jealous, wicked queen, who gazed into a mirror every day to ask, 'Who's the fairest in the land?"
In reality, each of us is a "mirror" for all who come into contact with us. And everyone we meet serves as a "mirror" in which we can see reflections of ourselves.
A friend of mine was having trouble with her elderly mother. After a long drawn-out illness, her mother had to give up living in her home and came to stay with my friend. Becoming dependent on her daughter made her feel powerless, her pride was hurting. As a result, the mother would lose her temper over little things and constantly criticizing my girlfriend. My friend tried many times to explain her hurtful feelings, but the mother didn't seem to understand. They began arguing, which make things worse.
I listened to my friend as she vented her disappointment in her mother. She broke down and asked what I thought... huh... I started out saying it was the situation her mother was really upset about, not her. I told my friend to try a different approach. Instead of pointing out her mother's "flaws", which only put her mother on the defensive and made the whole situation unbearable .... I suggested that she focus on her mother's good qualities, with postive reaction. I told her to become a magical "mirror" in which her mother could see herself. When your mother is feeling angry, discouraged, "mirror" back at her the postive characteristics she possessed. Talk about the best of the situation. Just try not to allow her mother to upset her and try to send loving thoughts.
I told my friend, there is this special word she could hold in her mind when she felt tempted to snap back at her mother. It's a word Buddists often use. . . Namaste. It means "I honor the great person within you."
I knew it would not be easy, but that it would benefit them both. I told her this wasn't like she was coddling her mother or condoning her actions. She was actually alchemy, transforming her mother through the power of love and creative imagery!
If she could concerntrated on her mother's essential goodness, she would be able to reflect back at her the image of someone she could be proud of. You see.... her mother's bad behavior was due to her loss of self-esteem. If my friend could use this mirroring techniques to encouraged her mother to see herself as the person she'd always loved and valued, rather than the broken down old lady she feared she'd become. Just maybe... before long, her mother would try very hard to live up to the image my friend held for her and to be the best mother she could be to her.
Love is the magical remedy for all that ails a soul!
Till recently, other's opinion influenced me in how I felt about myself. Huh.. I say that but it still brings doubt into the picture... That is why I got lost!! I was listening to everyone's opinion about who, what, where, when and how to be..... blah blah blah.
But, As I search and discovery who I am, it is easier to blow others off when they say... This is how you are or what you do is not the way things should be done.
Alright, I hear you talking. I get what you are saying. But what is good for you may not be for me and "VICE VERSA."
If you "think" I am this way or that, did you ever think that you maybe wrong?
One simply fact, We all react differently to situations, to people, life in general. We all are wired differently. What hurts you may not affect me. What pleases me, may not you. Something you may never want to do, I can't wait to do. What is important to you, isn't to me.
We all want to be our best. We all have ups and downs. We all carry our own crosses. We all are looking to fill a void. We all are searching for peace of mind. We all want love to be in our lives. We all have experienced pain and sorrows.
BUT . . . .
We are not all created equal!!! Nor do we think equally! Or feel equally about things!!!!
There is one rule in life, protocol that applies to one and all of us ...
My opinion.... DO NO HARM!
There is no way, how I live my life or how I think could harm you in any way.... Unless you have a closed-mind, and are a judgmental being. Now... talk to the hand!
Sitting in a tree
First comes love,
then comes marriage
Then comes Breezy with a baby carriage.
Strike last line please ...lol.. *smile*
We do a lot of dancing around here on EP, it's no act. It is how we are outside "type", we are as playful as we seem. Our forever-young spirits blend till there is an energy we both do not deny.
Our lifestyles are totally different. Our childhoods were totally different. But our spirits/souls are the exact same. I can see it in our pictures as we stand and pose for the camera. *smile* Matter of fact, I have two here in sight, two different times, months apart. We blend so well, we look like brother and sister. Each picture we carry a different reflection of our inner spirits... you see it in our eyes. We still shared the same aura.
We steal what time we can to interact through EP, texting, long phone conversations, and many daydreams. Yes, it is very very very very ... difficult to be hundreds of miles apart when you love someone so!!!!
The wonderful time we can share when we meet in the middle, we don't waste one minute of it. We go out and play hard, laugh alot, on the run to see all we can see. Then, after the day is done, we sit across from each other, take care of our hungry bellies. We talk about anything, everything and laugh about the day. We have had so many comments on us from others, it makes them smile to see the way we are. Really.. it's just because we are too old farts making them realize... Then is life and love after 50 *smile*
What would you change in an instant? Could one day a lone correct a wrong? Would you spent all day regretting?
If I knew I had 24 hrs to live... subzero temps wouldn't stop me from walking the river and woods today. *smile* I can see the headlines.... Lady found frozen down by the river, funny thing... in her hand was all these pretty rocks. It was a good day to die.
BUT... since today is not my day to die... I am keeping my butt right here in my warm home... yadda yadda yadda X
This morning I went on a quest to gather tokens so I can spend them! *smile* I went from one friend to another, stealing groups... You sure can tell a lot about some by the groups they are in. Anyways... This one special soul who I once interacted with, their groups reminded me of why I thought so much of them. Time got away, life got over-whelming, I didn't pay attention...
To think about it... I am not a good friend. I know this. I have kept to myself too much. I thought all my walls had crumbled, but I am wrong...Huh.. I wonder if I am able to break-down this wall... Mostly when I am not aware of it till .... then.. when I become enlightened.. Can I correct the wrong. Don't know. I will try. I hope I am not a day late and a dollar short.
Please know my heart. But how could you when my actions don't speak it.
I am sorry!!!! X
Yesterday.. what did I do... thinking. Morning chores, talked to me love, researched living off the grid, studied solar power, ate lots of chili, which I regret..lol... napped. Pretty boring, but it's winter. Now if it was summer, hello river! But it's not :(
I always planned for winter. I need to stay busy to be happy. I would garden all spring and summer with growing and drying craft flowers. So in the winter I would make these awesome wreathes. Do crafts for Christmas, kept me busy too. Looking at seed catalogs was a highlight.
I didn't do one thing yesterday, like yesterdays!
So many times our parents, spouses think that all they have to do is make a living for you, to show you they love you so very much.
They work hard every day to provide the means to make your life better. Better... huh?
Better how? That you can go out and buy whatever you need or whatever your heart desires.
Is making money the proof of how much they love you? Is it the only way they can express how much they care? From the sweat of their brow? Do they really identify making money the sole example of love, is it the only connection with love they have is through money?
What happens when they are far away every day while making this love money?
You sit alone, yearning for companionship, lonely down to your core. You try to drum up postive thoughts to verify their hard work, all for you! How lucky you are that they love you so much that they are gone, day after day. The loneliness grows deeper, as the banking account grows larger.
You may confront your loved one, tell them that you need them, and ask, don't you love you anymore?
They tell you.. My dear, I do all this for you! I work my fingers to the bone to show you how very much I love you. I am providing you with everything to make your life richer.
STOP! JUST STOP IT!
It's not about the money!
Previous PostsSights and Sounds Of Spring, posted March 9th, 2014, 1 comment
My Choice Of Drug, posted March 3rd, 2014
Rocking My Life Away, posted February 26th, 2014, 3 comments
I Have A Voice!, posted February 16th, 2014, 2 comments
A Forbidden and Unstoppable Love, posted February 13th, 2014, 4 comments
DISTORT, posted February 6th, 2014, 2 comments
Blogging From The Heart, posted February 5th, 2014, 2 comments
About-face, posted February 2nd, 2014
Adding To What I Am, posted February 1st, 2014, 2 comments
Life Is Taking A Toll, posted January 29th, 2014
Sex and Woes, posted January 25th, 2014
GRABBING AHOLD, posted January 22nd, 2014, 2 comments
Sandmen, posted January 20th, 2014, 2 comments
Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, posted January 19th, 2014, 2 comments
Talk To The Hand, posted January 18th, 2014
Climber1 and MorningBreeze, posted January 7th, 2014, 3 comments
For Real, What IF You Died Today?, posted January 6th, 2014
A Day Late, posted January 6th, 2014
Yesterday, posted January 5th, 2014
Day 3, Sign Of Love?, posted January 3rd, 2014, 4 comments
Day 2, Aimlessly, posted January 2nd, 2014
Time Tells All, posted January 1st, 2014, 1 comment
What Love Can Do, posted October 17th, 2013, 2 comments
Progress Report, posted August 12th, 2013, 5 comments
Skipping down the road, posted August 5th, 2013, 2 comments
May I Have Seconds Please, posted June 30th, 2013, 3 comments
Camping With Mr.P., posted April 29th, 2013, 4 comments
Lesson Learned, posted March 6th, 2013
Truth .. Do I Dare, posted January 14th, 2013, 6 comments
Another One Bites The Dust, posted December 31st, 2012, 2 comments
Xs, posted December 29th, 2012
Copy That!, posted December 27th, 2012
12 Days of Christmas, posted December 16th, 2012
3am, posted December 12th, 2012, 2 comments
Alone With My Thoughts, posted October 28th, 2012, 1 comment
Time Will Tell ...., posted June 30th, 2012
You are Me and I am You!, posted June 18th, 2012, 2 comments
A Wimpy Roar, posted May 29th, 2012, 2 comments
The Heavens Cried, posted May 21st, 2012, 2 comments
When the walls come trembling down..........., posted May 19th, 2012, 2 comments
May 13, 2012, posted May 12th, 2012, 5 comments
Mother's Will, posted April 28th, 2012, 2 comments
Blue Skies, posted April 21st, 2012, 2 comments
No Use In Complaining!, posted March 31st, 2012, 6 comments
Test of Character, posted March 23rd, 2012, 5 comments
Bite the Bullet or Eat it?, posted March 10th, 2012, 2 comments
Damn It ... Praise Be!, posted March 6th, 2012
In Like a Lion, posted February 29th, 2012, 1 comment
Essential Losses, posted February 26th, 2012, 2 comments
Good bye, posted February 19th, 2012
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