sigh.... Happy Holidays!
I just left Facebook and reading my messages from loved friends and family. My heart sunk with missing the ones I dearly love but over joyed at all the love I feel from them. I wish I was able to be with each and everyone of them...but no can do.
I am very happy and blessed for my gift of a new life, new love and a new home. But still....
My man is gone to be with his childhood friend who has lost his wife to cancer. A long and terrible ending of life.
When you see others suffer, it seems that is when you look at yourself and count your blessings.
Seeing really how much you do have to lose, it brings a different light to life itself.
For me, it scares me a tad to think that life can be taken away from me, or my love, in a bl
A moment of reflection that shows the value of every day we can breathe.
Another day to begin again.
To love deeper and express it.
To be more patent with one another.
To say things that are meant to be said.
To make wrongs, right.
To be alive!
Being in a relationship again, so full of emotions and ...ghosts, It's been challenging to maintain a center. To realize that I, him, we ..yes...WE both are carrying into this relationship past luggage, harm, insecurities.
For me, when I get off balance... I am a total mess. I have to go through all the stages of my momentarily... insanity. One thing triggers another till I am broken and no logic enters me.
Till ... one second of light that does...thank god... enters into this scenario... I ...snap-out of my darkness...with so much insight into ...everything at hand. It's amazing! It's a blessing!
sigh...I must remember this enlightenment for future uses..lol... My demons, my ghost only feed off my insecurities. The voices of uncertainty. With postive attitude, learning lessons, adjustment ,,, will help me stay on track and move forward to a bright future...
I have been through so many changes.
Some good and some bad that comes with a life learning lesson.
There are changes in my life that has helped me love myself better.
Other changes allow me to see just how f***ed up I am.
I am convinced of one thing through all my changes, turn-abouts.
Me, Myself and I are the only one responsible, liable to make this soul happy, content and secure.
Time for a self hug. and to begin again.
Singing the blues....
He left last evening to meet up with a hunting buddy under the walnut tree at 6am to get a buck and doe. Traveling time 6 hours.
He packed his clothes, hunting clothes, jeans, and his best suit.
His hunting buddy's wife is fighting a losing battle with cancer.
Just in case she passes away, he will be prepared.
He was to be gone just overnight.
He is staying one more night to get his doe tomorrow.
Home alone tonight too.
raises eye-brows... huh
I waited for months to be close to my man.
I ached for him to be close to me.
I dreamt of moments of intimacy.
I planned out days in my head.
He has been here, home, for 7 weeks.
He is in a pattern I try to understand.
I have all the time in the world to do...
He gets up by 5am, fixes my coffee and out the door he goes.
He goes for his walks/hunting.
He returns around 10am, hungry.
Breakfast is almost done.
We eat, he washes dihes and out the door he goes again.
He will go back to the woods to either hunt or cut wood.
He returns just before dark.
He walks down our mile long drive way.
He checks his phone for messages.
He calls his friend who has a dying wife
Almost every day.
It is dark now.
He returns in time for supper.
We eat, he washes dishes.
We sit and play games or watch TV.
It's time for bed.
Most times, one of us are already asleep.
I realize his life once was lived in a cage.
Everything... same old same... day after day....everyday.
I am watching him doing his thing.
Knowing this freedom-time is a need-be.
I lie aside my desires for a tight togetherness.
I allow the wind to blow between us.
I've been noticing that how a person eats tells the rest of the story.
Me and my style of eating, I taste everything on my plate in the beginning of my meal.
I find what I like the best and eat till I am ready for the next .... taste of goodness.
I will not allow the different foods to touch.
My man eats one thing at a time till the one certain food is all gone.
Then he moves on to the next tasty treat.
I've seen others mix their foods together.
Then I realize from the style of eating shows alot more about the person.
Me, I muti-task things in life. I can tackle several things at once and complete them all on the same time table.
My man takes one task at a time and completes it before he goes onto another.
.... Or like a picky eater, they show that through out the rest of their ways.
Or an eater that shovels the food down.... that just seems like they never really taste a thing.
I am so full of it! ;-)
Just food for thought!
Food hangovers are awful! I am fasting today...no more food. All I am doing is farting, burping, moaning, groaning, snorting, coughing..another poot here..a burp there.... ohhhh me oh my!
Wednesday night I made sure that nothing needed to be done for the Thanksgiving meal but throw things into oven Thanksgiving day. I prepared everything ahead of time. Made my corn pudding, green bean casserole, bake beans, dressing, dressed the bird, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, placed diced potatoes in water and set aside the makings for the gravy.. and can't forget the two pecan pies. I cleaned the house well, showered and Thanksgiving day would be here and I could sail through the day with ease.
A neighbor man was coming to eat with us at noon. He had spent his last few years alone during the holiday... couldn't have that..now could I?
My man left for hunting at 7am, he returned at 11am. We three sat down to eat at high noon... *smile*
After our very filling meal, at 2:30, neighbor left for home. I got ready to drive out to call my mom (no signal for phone here) My man walked out for another round of hunting.
On the way to signal land ;-) I saw my truck was sick... steam wasa coming out of it. I cut my call short... for two reasons..my truck and mom couldn't talk cause my sister and her kids was there :-(... Plus my son never remembered to say hi to me. I had left two email for him and his family... still no words. Even sent holly to him.....
I drove my mile long driveway, truck getting sicker... My battery light came on and as I drive to my parking spot a water hose blew apart. :-( Anti-freeze went everywhere. I got the shovel and covered it all so the three dogs would not get sick or die.
My man came back after dark, and by this time.. I was sad and lonely.
Never have I saw anything as beautiful as this day! sigh.... There is 3-4 inches of snow, the whole world is out-lined with white. sigh... *smile*
The silence, the awe of it all is over the top.
I feel like crying at such prettiness!!!!!
I love my life, my home, my land, my man! sigh....
Ok... got to go .. I think I will shed tears of happiness now.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! WOW!!!
After my house fire in 2004, the things that matter the most were my Christmas decorations. Everything went to ashes..but.. my very old Manger scence. Blessings!!!!
Then I began buying my decorations after the new year when things were dirt cheap.
When I started gathering things to move to my now new home.. I had too..too much. go figure. I picked through what I wish to pack and bring.
Today I unpack with a Holiday Spirit that I Will Feed!
It's beginning to look alot like Christmas... everywhere I go.... xo
The Holidays are knocking at the door. sigh...
My man and I look at each other and wonder... Now what?
Neither one of us has joined in, had ...holiday cheer for many cheers.. me not so long ago..him.. over 20 plus years!!!!!!!!!!!!.
But the joy I feel, welll... I want this to be a special time for the both of us.
He hasn't had a Thanksgiving meal at his house for years....nor a Christmas tree.
No one has visited him for over... many years!!
So, I am determine to ...light-up the holiday season.
We went out and shopped for a turkey dinner with all the trimmings.
I invited the neighbor to join us, he'd be alone if I didn't.
I have been looking for a Christmas tree amongst the hundred pines and cedar here on our land.
We have all shapes and sizes of Holly trees and plan on making a holly wreath.
Then I texted his brother and invited him and his wife down for a holiday cheer day.... from now till the New Year. Left it wide open for him. It has been way too many years since the brothers got together...like since childhood!
So, yup... this is going to be the bestest holiday ever ;-)
sigh.... My life is so full of love and wonders... lordy be... This coming new year is going to be... totally awesome.
In a one month period my love has transformed into a mighty mountain man.
He went from "thinking" for a living to working with his back.
Naturally! No problem. He enjoys his retirement.
He cuts wood every day and is now spitting logs. I sit and watch this grand man do his thing.
We are even in a mean game of Monoply... tonight should be interesting as I have Park Place and Boardwalk...with hotels on them. *smile*
Our love grows, we are truly blessed.
I have this poster hanging on my wall that tells how we all can survive, learn, give thanks.
Help me believe
in what I could be
and all that I am.
Show me the stairway
I have to climb;
Lord for my sake
teach me to take ...
One day at a time.
I am a very happy lady these days. I feel strong, in love, secure and big hopes for the future.
Not too long ago, I thought about killing myself... only one..sad reason stopped me.
I had adopted.. many homeless unloved furry children that would not have anyone to care for them. Knowing that someone would shut them down.
*smile* Today I look back at "those" days. Everything has changed.
I feel so alive. I am learning something every day. I am in love. I have a good man. I have a new home. I have great health. I have a new life!!!!
I have learned what my Lord has taught me.... the hard way...
Quite simple...Take ONE day at a time! Cause..ya know... Tomorrow is just around the corner and if we hold tight to our dreams, have hope for a new day... It will be so!
I woke up, staggered down the stairs, straight to where my coffee is sitting on the stove, ready to pour. My coffee cup, with sugar, milk in it and a spoon ready for the stirring. The wood stove is doing it's job, crackling fire and warmth through out the house. exhale....
This is how I wake every day.
My love leaves the house for his two to three hour walk through the woods each day. Before he does, he gets me ready for my day. I have never known such loving treatment.
This morning, as all mornings, I am smiling from my heart. I feel love, I know love, my love serves me ...over the top. It been a month since his retirement and he came home. Not once in this period has my mornings varied.
It almost time for him to return, I must get his breakfast ready and myself for the remaining day.
I went outside just now, as I had my smoke and I notice the dead silence. No sounds of crickets nor tree frogs. A soft, but cold breeze blew, but the trees stayed silent.
My soul responded to the silence of nature. So much so that I wished for a warm peaceful feeling.
It's the cycle of the seasons that control, affect me more than any thing in my life. Each season holds a ... mood, attitude in me. So here I am, after the..THE most awesome Autumn of my life!!! It's not quite over ... still have another 5-6 weeks till Winter but... tell Mother Nature that.
Now as Winter makes an early entrance, there is a stillness, sleepiness in the air.
Back to the warm peaceful feeling...*smile* It seems that this is the time of the year when we all start reflecting on days gone by. It's a time to slow down, our activities totally change, we look, desire that "warm" peaceful feelings...lol..
I can be a tease. I just got out of the shower, walking around butt-naked. I was wanting to be noticed by my man. He can be so... too much of a gentleman...lol..
I told him we were in the honeymoon stage. That he had to take-notice and grab me.
So now every single time I am getting dressed, out of the shower, just looking fine...
Here he comes, hands in a grab form, pulsing his fingers and yelling... BABY...BABY...OH BABY! Chasing me around, both of us giggling the whole time.
When I say around, it really is around and around our island in the kitchen.
It is beginning to be our love dance.... we get so dizzy, we fall to the ground and..... X
In 2007 I became a part of social networking, I began a blog. It was awesome!
I was at a place I could say things I would never say out loud. No one knew me and they couldn't touch me.
I was freed!
I began to grow.
I began to learn
I read other souls stories of pain, family, love and hate.
I was opening up , accepting myself as is. Because I saw all the different kind of souls from all over the world.
My world was growing bigger everyday.
I then began releasing secrets, woes and plans for the future on type...which lead to doing the same in my face to face reality.
I changed from writing, living out loud for any to see.
I have had some of the best days of my life sitting, talking here on social sites.
It serves the different side I have.
What you see and what you don't.
Yes, I am more opened to the world through the keys of my board.
But no matter how it comes out on type, it is from the heart.
I write with honesty, sometimes I am in a mood, not myself... my normal self *smile*
I can go back through the pages of my stories, and learn.
I still do, I need a place to release my moods, feelings, thoughts.
I do this writing, ...for me. It's self-therapy,
I am on our porch, wrapped up and listening for my man's sign that he has been successful for suppling us with good, clean meat to sit on our table.
He is out hunting today.
I heard his shot ring through the mountains....
He is on his way home now.
My man provides us with blessings.
Too excited to think straight... too much to do to prepare.... Dear God, the day has arrived when my love comes to settle in our home.
He will be early, happy dance... lordy be... I must get ready... my heart is beating out of my chest. He will be here 6 hours early... sigh... What do I do first? sigh... Need to shave my legs..lol... wow..
Thank you my Heavenly father for the blessing I am about to recieve.
I so love my man. exhale........... Later... I got very important things that must be done. *smile*
Previous PostsGreetings, posted December 17th, 2014
Silent Day, posted December 13th, 2014
Just A Swingin', posted December 9th, 2014
Self Hug, posted December 6th, 2014
A Hunting we will, a hunting we will....., posted December 5th, 2014
Practicing Detachment, posted December 5th, 2014
The Style of Eating, posted December 1st, 2014
Sounds of the Body, posted November 30th, 2014
Just saying . . . ., posted November 29th, 2014, 1 comment
OMG!!!!!, posted November 26th, 2014, 1 comment
Pretty Paper...Pretty Ribbons..., posted November 23rd, 2014
Surreal Beginnings, posted November 21st, 2014, 2 comments
Born To Be Free, posted November 19th, 2014, 3 comments
One Day At A Time, posted November 18th, 2014
One Soul, Two Minds, posted November 16th, 2014, 1 comment
Silent Season, posted November 13th, 2014, 1 comment
BABY....BABY....OH..BABY, posted October 31st, 2014
Is it all about me?, posted October 29th, 2014
And The Shot Rung-Out!, posted October 23rd, 2014
Today is the first day of my new Life, posted October 17th, 2014
Lights, Camera, Action.....Roll 'Em, posted October 15th, 2014
The Flasher Strikes Again!, posted October 13th, 2014, 1 comment
Wide Awake, posted October 13th, 2014, 1 comment
True Blue, posted October 6th, 2014, 2 comments
Right On Time, posted September 29th, 2014
Sunday's Sorrows, posted September 28th, 2014
I Can .... I Can .... I CAN!, posted September 24th, 2014
On Your Mark, Get Ready, GO................, posted September 23rd, 2014, 2 comments
Willow Hill, posted September 20th, 2014, 2 comments
Speaking from the heart........., posted September 19th, 2014, 2 comments
Drawing Myself Out, posted September 16th, 2014
Giving it my all...., posted September 14th, 2014
~See ya later, my friend, posted September 10th, 2014, 2 comments
Under The Moonlight, posted September 7th, 2014, 1 comment
Lettuce, posted September 3rd, 2014
Beautiful Dreamer, posted September 1st, 2014
Breaking The Law, posted August 27th, 2014, 2 comments
The Spider and One Ant, posted August 26th, 2014
Me Time, posted August 25th, 2014, 2 comments
8/24/2014, posted August 24th, 2014, 3 comments
I scream, He roars!, posted August 22nd, 2014
YOU, posted August 18th, 2014, 2 comments
Moving of body, soul and mind...., posted August 14th, 2014, 7 comments
Road Trip To Home, posted August 5th, 2014, 2 comments
Mountain Security, posted August 3rd, 2014, 2 comments
Don't Be Scared, posted July 25th, 2014
They'll be coming around the mountain when they come....., posted July 22nd, 2014
The Home Stretch, posted July 21st, 2014
Bad Medicine, posted July 15th, 2014
10 0f Pentacles, posted July 12th, 2014, 2 comments
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